Fucking Music.

No, I am not talking about music to which you would like to fuck. I am speaking of music that has been tainted by past loves, relationships, friendships, overplay at work, etc. There are dozens (possibly over 100) of songs that immediately invoke memories of my ex-boyfriend, Gavin. No longer, ever, will I be able to enjoy these tunes in the way that I was once capable. I have attempted to reclaim them. I have been unsuccessful in this endeavor.

This feeling of utter sadness washes over me the moment I hear certain notes come together. Sometimes it starts at first note; other times it will occur in the middle of the second verse of a song. This can happen at home or in my car or at work. It's really all the same; the feeling that is.

I miss Gavin. I wonder what it would be like if were still together. I question what he is doing and who he is sleeping with and what music he is loving every time I hear one of the dozens of songs that him to mind.